A few days ago, I was watching a video from my coach, Matthew Hussey. Most people see him as a relationship coach, but he talks about many other areas of life too. He has been my life coach for the past four years. I may have heard this topic before, but this time it really hit me.

He talked about the three layers of confidence. He said we need both competence and confidence. It would be strange to feel confident doing something if we do not have the competence to support it.

The three layers are surface confidence, lifestyle confidence, and core confidence.

After the video ended, I realized something surprising. I have more confidence than I thought.

Let’s start with surface confidence. This is what people see. How we speak, how we move, how we present ourselves to the world.

I am very comfortable being alone. I confidently eat by myself, go to concerts alone, watch movies alone, and travel to other countries alone. Many friends and colleagues have told me I have a resting bitch face. I laugh because it is true. I have accepted it. It does not make me insecure at all.

I might present myself as tough or even mean sometimes. But that is not who I am all the time. It is how I protect myself from toxic people.

About five years ago, I approached a really nice guy in person for the first time in my life. He rejected me. Maybe he thought I was awkward. That is fine. The rejection did not destroy my confidence or stop me from trying again.

Next is lifestyle confidence. This is about what we build in our lives. Our job, hobbies, interests, skills, and relationships.

I am happy with the job I have now. My hobbies may not be extraordinary, but they make me happy. My interests keep me entertained. I have a good relationship with my family and amazing friends. The skills I have developed over the years make me feel capable. I am proud that I have created a life I genuinely enjoy.

Even if I lost my job one day or could not do what I love, I believe I would still be okay. I have other parts of my life that support me.

Seven years ago, I attended the Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar by T. Harv Eker in Singapore. One quote has stayed with me: getting paid doing what you love. I see many people complain about their jobs every single day, yet they never have the courage to leave. I do not understand that. Why stay in something that makes you miserable most of the time?

Matt once said, “I do very well in life because I accepted how pathetic I am.” That line stayed with me. I may not work as hard as some people, but I am living my life fully.

Finally, there is core confidence. This is the deepest level. It is the part that remains when everything else disappears. When the job is gone. When a relationship ends. When titles and achievements fade away.

Matt says the key to core confidence is learning to truly love yourself.

If you look at the name of my blog, Love Life Since 86, 86 is the year I was born. I love myself. I love my life.

I am lucky to have parents who allowed me to make my own choices and trusted me to take care of myself. I am my own best friend.

I can do almost anything by myself. Unless it is something that literally requires two people. Then yes, I will call a friend. LOL.

People always ask how I can go to movies or concerts alone. The answer is simple. Because I want to. I am not going to waste my time waiting for someone else to decide. Most of the time, waiting means missing out.

Earlier this year, I ended a one year relationship. My friends were worried I would be very sad and miserable. I told them I cried for about three hours and then stopped because I got a headache. They were surprised at how strong I seemed. But I was not acting. I am strong.

I love my life too much to let someone damage it. If someone does not want me in their life, why would I waste my energy on them? I did not lose them. They lost me.

That might sound arrogant, but sometimes we need that mindset to protect our hearts.

One friend once told me that maybe I was the problem in my previous relationships. And maybe I was. That is why I sought help. That is how I found Matthew Hussey.

We do not wake up one day knowing how to handle every situation perfectly. Some people think spending money on a life coach is a waste. It is not, if you find the right one.

So let me ask you something.

Do you love yourself enough?

If not, start learning how.

It is never too late.